Say what? How to respond to rudeness in the workplace

A client recently contacted me with a request I hadn’t heard before. Would I offer a training program in business etiquette to his new employees? It wasn’t that they were horrible people. They were smart, innovative, and hard-working. But after almost three years of COVID-driven social isolation, they had not had opportunities to learn and practice such social skills as when and how to speak up in a meeting, how to read a room, or how to navigate a business lunch or a networking opportunity.

That got me thinking about the complex set of social skills necessary for success in the business world. These skills are part of Organizational Intelligence, a concept I have written about previously. The details may differ from one company to another, but the fundamentals remain the same. And the challenge lies in the nuances.

One such challenge with social skills is when a colleague says something offensive to you or about you. They may cast it as a “joke,” but it’s rude and hurtful nonetheless. What do you do? Sometimes it’s best to ignore it or laugh it off. Sometimes you need to confront the person directly, either in the moment or later. But I recently read about a third response that I think is brilliant.

Sara Jane Ho, a business etiquette expert, suggests that when you receive an insulting remark, respond in a friendly tone with this question: “Are you OK?” This response signals several things:

• You didn’t take the comment personally.

• You didn’t appreciate it.

• You’re surprised that the person would say something inappropriate.

• You’re concerned about them. 

There’s no one-size-fits-all. Your best response depends on who the other person is, the nature of your relationship, and the context. But I think Ho’s suggestion is a great addition to your social skill set.

Is your company in need of some training in business etiquette and Organizational Intelligence? Contact me at ggolden@gailgoldenconsulting.com.