“Samantha” was a highly experienced, intelligent, and savvy team leader I happened to work with years ago. She had a deep understanding of the organization, and a sparkly personality that was fun at social gatherings. Sounds good, right? But, yikes, she was one of the worst bosses I ever worked for, and my introduction to the bad female boss.
She played favorites: She clearly liked working with men more than with women. She undermined the women who worked for her. She gave us meaningless tasks. She was extremely defensive. Criticize her once and you were on her bad list forever.
I am fortunate to be invited to a lot of women’s meetings,
and they often give me a chance to think of appropriate networking tips for
women. It’s great to be around high-powered women and enjoy their energy and
their achievements — but it also needs to be great for business. Coming
together is one of the ways we as women overcome obstacles, help each other,
My client, we’ll call her Amy, was receiving critical feedback, and she was upset. Her direct reports were skipping constructive criticism and going straight for harsh descriptions of her leadership style. Several of her team members described her as demanding, too bossy, and overly emotional.
As a senior executive, Amy understood how important it was to engage and motivate her team. She had worked for both good and bad bosses and recognized the differences between them. She was shocked and hurt by the feedback, and unsure of how to handle the criticism with grace.
We may argue about the differences between men and women at work, but there is one truth no one can deny. There continues to be a gender gap at almost every company — both a gap in promotion to senior leadership roles and a gap in salaries for comparable roles.
What a disappointment! For the last three years I have been following the adventures of Wendy Rhoades, performance coach extraordinaire, on Showtime’s Billions. I was fascinated by this portrayal of my profession and impressed by how often the show got it right — I even wrote an article about what a great representation it was.
Leadership isn’t easy for anyone. To be great, you need a wide range of abilities and behaviors — high intelligence, analytic skills, strategic thinking, emotional maturity and awareness, interpersonal finesse, the ability to inspire and influence, clarity about priorities, the discipline to get the job done — the list goes on and on.
A friend of mine has been having trouble with bullying and harassment in her workplace. People with more power than she has have been using inappropriate language, limiting her access to resources, and intruding on her physical space.
There’s a fundamental puzzle at the core of the gender diversity issue. By now, it is well established that businesses led by women and teams that include women tend to outperform their all-male competitors. Large, well-designed, global studies have supported this finding again and again.
So, if you’re a business leader who wants to see your company thrive, why aren’t you rushing to hire women into senior roles as fast as possible?
It started out fine. Interesting, high-powered women invited to a lovely luncheon sponsored by a financial services firm. A panel of three women who are outstanding leaders in the hospitality industry. Beautiful setting, tasty food — it seemed as if it would be all good.
So why did I flee an hour later, rudely walking out before the event was over? There were two main problems.
“Hear the one about the blonde who was so dumb she …. ” The stereotype of the dumb blonde has been around for a while, and like many stereotypes it can be harmful to the aspirations and reputations of women with light-colored hair. But new research suggests there’s an upside to being towheaded. My brilliant blonde daughter-in-law sent me an article showing that blondes are over-represented at the top of large corporations. Blondes constitute about 2 percent of the world’s female population and 5 percent of white women, but they make up almost half of the female S&P 500 CEOs.
The recent Annual Conference of the Society of Women Engineers was an energizing event. Thousands of women engineers gathered in downtown LA to learn, network, and celebrate. These are groundbreaking women who are using their intelligence and drive to carve out new roles and pave the way for others. I was honored to be an invited speaker for a Mega Session on “Finding and Using Your Power.” Among other aspects of mobilizing female power, I talked about the power of women working together. I shared “The Sisterhood Code,” a document I had written a couple of years ago after hearing about “The Bro Code.” Some audience members asked me to post The Sisterhood Code on my website, so here it is:
The Sisterhood Code
I will combat negative stereotypes of women.
I will cheer the successes of other women.
I will stick up for other women.
I will look for ways to promote other women’s careers.
I will trade favors with other women.
I will value other women’s work.
I will measure my success in part by how well I help other women to succeed.
I will be inclusive of women.
I will value myself, my talents, and my contributions.
I will guard against my own anti-woman thoughts and behaviors with vigilance.
Women won’t achieve equality without the help and support of our male colleagues. But we can start by ensuring that we are helping and supporting each other.
Everyone knows that having a child makes a business leader’s life more challenging, especially if she’s a woman. But now there is evidence that a pregnancy can be a smart business move. Mindy Mercaldo, the Illinois President and Chicago Market President for Citibank, was the speaker this morning at a breakfast for StepUp, a great organization that provides mentors for promising teenagers. Mindy reflected on her own decision to have a child in her late 30’s when she was already a senior executive. Mindy had built her career by being a hard-driving, high-achieving leader who strove for perfection in everything she did. But after the baby came along, Mindy realized she couldn’t do it all herself. She got better at delegating and fostering the talents of her team members. She discovered that talking about the baby helped to build warmer relationships with her employees. And to her delight, her business results sky-rocketed. So there you have it. Far from being the career-derailer we hear so much about, having a child can be a career-enhancer – if, like Mindy, you pay attention to the lessons you can learn.
It should be an interesting autumn for the Mayer family. A day after Yahoo announced their new CEO – Marissa Mayer, a 37-year-old VP from Google – Ms. Mayer told the world she is expecting her first child in October. Bravo to Ms. Mayer! Talk about going for the gusto – that woman has ovaries! This story illustrates what the women’s movement has been about – freeing women to make the choices that are right for them. There are three major points to be made here:
- There is no one-size-fits-all. What works for one woman isn’t the best choice for another. I was always a working mother, but I chose to dial down my career when my kids were young. Other women choose to stay home full-time, or to focus exclusively on their career and not have kids. And some, like Marissa and many others, go for the whole enchilada. Bravo to all of us. It’s great to have choices.
- Choices have consequences. No one has it all. Every choice means you don’t do something else. I have a wonderful career, but I know I had the potential to do more. Women who don’t have children miss out on a whole realm of human experience. Ms. Mayer will rarely have the opportunity to accompany her child’s class on a field trip, and she may not be there when her baby takes his first step. We need to make our choices with our eyes wide open.
- Everyone needs help. Women like Ms. Mayer have the resources to hire great helpers. But just like the rest of us, they still need the support of a loving family, a circle of friends, and a flexible workplace. The more we support and care for each other, the better it will be for all women – as well as for our children, our partners, and the businesses we work for and lead.