By Gail Golden, MBA, Ph.D.
Published by Today’s Chicago Woman

Featured on TCW Minute Mentor

What to do if it happens to you

Imagine this. You love your job. You invest a lot of energy into it and you are excited about the possibilities for promotion and increased responsibility. Part of what makes your job so great is your boss. You like him and respect him. He puts you on special projects, shares his knowledge with you and tells you he sees a lot of potential in you.

So you are delighted when he invites you to accompany him on a trip to present an important client. The two of you work hard on the presentation and the client is very impressed. Afterwards, your boss invites you to join him for a celebratory dinner.

As you head back to your hotel rooms, it happens. He puts his arm around your waist and says, “How about you just come on over to my room and we can continue the celebration?” And suddenly the world is off-kilter. What is going on? Did he just say what you think he said? Oh my goodness, what do you do now?

You mutter some lame excuse and scurry back to your room. You feel nauseated. Did you do something to lead him on? Was his interest in you just as a sexual attraction all along? How are you going to face him tomorrow? And what does this mean for your future at the company?

With all of the recent furor about sexual harassment – Did he or didn’t he? What are her motivations? – We tend to overlook the painful experiences of the women involved. Think of what these women stand to lose:

At the very least, their joy in their job, and often, the job itself
A valued relationship with a boss or colleague
Their confidence that their work was valued for its own merits
Their belief in their professional demeanor. (“Did I do something to cause this?”)
The trust and respect of their partners, their colleagues and friends – the “blame the victim” syndrome.
There are no good statistics on sexual harassment in the workplace because it so often remains a secret. But when women get together to talk, their stories are very common. They vary from the minor, such as a comment on your appearance that feels a little too personal, to the outrageous, such as demands for sexual favors in exchange for a promotion.

So if you are being sexually harassed, what should you do? Each situation and each woman is unique, but here are some tactics that can be effective:

Tell a friend, your partner or someone else you trust. Let them share in your hurt and humiliation and get angry for you.
If the incident is minor, look the harasser straight in the eye and say, “I don’t like what you said/did. It is inappropriate. Don’t do it again.” If he tries to make it a joke, just repeat what you said: “I didn’t find it funny. I found it inappropriate. Don’t do it again.” Be firm.
If you want to be tougher than that, say, “If you ever pull a stunt like that again, I am going to tell everyone I know about it.”
If the harassment is serious and/or repetitive, you must put a stop to it for your own well-being. You can report the harasser to the authorities, human resources, his immediate manager, the head of the company and/or the police. It is often wise to proactively consult a lawyer to protect yourself in the case of retaliation. Be aware that reporting is often a tough road – it can prolong the humiliation and damage your reputation. But it is often the right thing to do.
5. You can choose not to report. Then get yourself another job and get out of there.
Sexual harassment is no joke. The consequences can be devastating: psychologically, physically and economically. Some women have to deal with it individually. All of us have to deal with it as part of the broad reality in which we live and work. We are more powerful when we stand together, support each other and insist that none of us will tolerate sexual harassment any more.